it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
