so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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