Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
