There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
