it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
