sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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