Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
