no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
