I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
