I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
