I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
