You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
