Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
