If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
