One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
