she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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