have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
