Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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