Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
