the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
