I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
