Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
