Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
