I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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