i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
