Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize