He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
