Pappa wants mamma naked
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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