do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
