plz talk dirty to me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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