She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
