Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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