dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
