I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
