I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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