Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
