Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
