Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
