Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
