Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
