oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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