Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
