I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
