It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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