With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
