Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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