I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
