It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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