We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
