i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
