dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
