She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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