It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
