At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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