do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
