I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
