his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
