i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
