apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
