end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i came on her dog
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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