My friends, they love my intelligence
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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