i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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