FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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