All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
