Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
