i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
