just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
