i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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