$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
