I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
