You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
