I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
