naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
