Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
