scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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