News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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